Name:
Location: Mitch Chee Gon, United States

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Blasted Computer



In memory 1999-2005
Hal 2000 Computarical Device.
May you rust in pieces...

I don't like destroying things. I fancy myself a creator. When I have to take a life, I do it quick and humanely. One shot, never more.
When I first met Hal, I was so enthralled. We surfed the WEB together and bonded like brothers. The absolute JOY of a FELLOW COMPANION pushed my exhuberance beyond delight. Often we would lay awake at night, purchasing Model Trains off Ebay, Checking in on Drudge, exploring the Space Geek sites, and eventually finding lodging near Scrappledom.
Then one day, all seemed different. Hal wouldn't answer me so fast. My son thought Hal was enthused by the Gaming sites he was visiting and was "bored" with the "old fashioned life style". Maybe Hal was going liberal, thought I.
Memories flooded back, I vowed to save Hal from taking the wrong path.
This was my freind and I was going to save him. I got my Computer Geekological Doctorate in 1992. I am a doctor, I will save my freind.
Herbal Medicine seemed to be the key. Delete a little here, Defrag a little there.
Patient stabalized.
Pager goes off in the middle of the night. Oh my Gawd! RELAPSE!!
A series of POX show up. Popping up all over the head of HAL.
Back to the hospital. This time life engaging questions arise. I have a lifetime of MEMORY saved in HAL. Pictures from his youth. Pictures of Carbon Based HAL slaves.
Then Dementia set in.
HAL didn't,wouldn't recognize me. I would have to reset him at least three times to get him to wake up.
The bleary,clouded look in his eye was disheartening. My freind was dying.
I thought maybe a radical brain transplant. A new memory to enjoy and the same perfect body. As the transplant was occuring, however the donor and recipient got freindly. They liked each other TOO MUCH. Being the same make, model, and vintage, I could only conclude the worst. MY Computer was a Retarded Homosexual.
Lost in this lonely world, what is a hetero oxygen converter to do?
Maybe
Hmmmm
Break my computer vows?????
When I announced I have had an affair at the computer store and brought home the concubine, HAL lost it.
Spam everywhere. Pop ups zinging past my arse. Spyware stealing the serial numbers of my Model Locomotives.
I barely escaped with my Cable Modem.
I had enough. I'm taking this bastard out.
Quietly, I stalked HAL.
Then the wirrrrr of a broken heartdrive.....
The stench of a overloaded power supply.....
BANG
Tears fell across my windlashed face as I cradled my dying freind.
Memory chips dripping from his exposed carcass.
The last sparks of life fading...
I will never forget you HAL.
I wish you had not forsaken me.......

One 12 gauge slug, clean kill.
Through the power supply and wedged in the PC board.
Obviously not a mag load, it was may freind. I wanted an open casket.
30 yard shot.
Dropped like a stone.

5 Comments:

Blogger camojack said...

"Punkin" ball?

3:10 AM  
Blogger Donwatcher said...

Nice kill LG, but how are you going to mount it above your fireplace?
DW

4:48 PM  
Blogger MargeinMI said...

Wiping a tear from my eye. (sob) I too have forsaken my first. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't handle the moaning and groaning, getting kicked off the internet every five minutes after just a few hours of play, and the ULTIMATE betrayal: FREEZING UP in the middle of a good game of Winter Wonderland Maze Man! I tried to be faithful...even purchased a new modem (wasted $65) to try to appease it, but NOOOOOOOOOOOO, nothing was good enough. I'd had about all I could take of this passive/aggressive relationship when my mom generously passed her old friend on to me. Yes, I now have to be satisfied with Windows 95, compared to Windows ME, but the tower is so much BIGGER!, the screen and keyboard so much CLEANER!, and an oversized monitor. What girl could ask for more??????

Unfortunately, I don't own a gun, so I'm passing my old friend on to my boy. Hopefully, it will teach him lessons in Patience and Tolerance.

I feel your pain. RIP

6:42 PM  
Blogger Libby Gone™ said...

I cut its power supply a few months ago, trying to let it have a dignified death. It suddenly experienced a euphoria and I figured the deed was done, but no.
It kept taunting me, saying "I'll never do it again I promise" Then I'd find the little cheating ***** loaded up with popups.

10:42 AM  
Blogger Hawkeye® said...

Libby Gone™,
Wow! "Blasted" computer is right! My condolences.... I love computers and hate to put one down if I don't have to. Too bad I've had to 'put down' several.

Regards,
Hawkeye®

5:46 PM  

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