My day as a Liberal: Part 1

Xray of my temporary insanity by Dr. Jay D. Dyson, Sacred Cow Burger Doctor and Director of the Institute for the Mentally Well.(sacred cow burgers.com)
I had my telescope out the other night checking out the crater Tycho on Earths only natural satellite. A strange pain ripped through my upper shoulder and I found a small wound. Applying Bactine(™)I discovered a bat bite. I figured rabies would have to wait for the morning and sloughed off to bed.

The alarm went off and for the first time in my life I hit the snooze button. This continued for three hours. When I awoke I staggered to the bathroom grudgingly. I noticed my hair was matted and about ten inches longer. I also looked like I hadn't shaved in two weeks. Small white things crawled through the new found growth. Somehow this did not bother me.
My boss was leaving frantic messages on my answering machine, but my PS2 needed more attention. Finally I found refuge by going to my parents house and checking out the old basement. Solice! Nice dark and damp. Mind bending urges to score some sillycyben or cannibas were the only push to leave.
I found a totally cool Rastafarian knit cap on the side of the road and it now adorns my flowing greasey locks. "Maybe I'll get some cornrows" muttered I.
Now dude I like passed by this clinic offering free reproductive (wow man that's like a polysyllabic word dude!)care to like peeps and stuff. I jauntered in and asked for some. The heavy set chicky poo with the sawed off hair says like "yer a dude, dudes don't get no sex ed 'K!". I figured I'd give 'er a less or two so we hit it out back by the dumbster.
Sweaty and swarthy I set off to score sum more. I checked this homie in a van down by the river and WOW dude! Some awesome spectral aurora type crack man! Sky lit up.
Staggering away I wandered 'pon a strike like scene. Peep all upset cause their Evil Rich Bosses stopped paying them like $32.00 an hour. Crimes to humanity! These burger flippers were cool dudes! Man, out of work how where they gonna score that high grade hydropo? Things weren't cool. I got in a pigcops face and made it clear. "Jawl on 'da rong sod 'da law, like dude!"
Luckily a raving Union stew(ha ha I said stew)ard caught the cop off guard with a belly blow by picket sign. Half digested Krispy Kremes spewed everwhere! I t was like a well dude, ya know.
I sauntered off into the College campus.
This totally hip Prof type guy introduced him to myself and me to himself. We like hit it off. I was astounded by the intelligence this man exposed as he tried to expose himself."The Man is bringing both of us down big time". He explained how everything bad that had ever happened from the beginning of time was President Bush's fault. He also showed me the President Bush was not a Bush but a Noxious Weed. I like Noxious Weeds I say, Not he, He say.
Later after multiple attempts to see some planet of mine out past Saturn I told him "I gotta go, buzz is wearing off".
I passed a left over election sign from the last New York Senate race. Wow dude what a hot looking chick! If she only got into the lez thing, man she'd be mine! Suddenly I had an urge for bacon or ham. WONDER IF SHE BAKES COOKIES?
My odor was quite distinct by now, but still not troubling. I was hoping the local Government would have seized my home and leveled it before I found my way back. Maybe construction crews would be building a new 'Just a Touch' video store so I could see old friends. Phrases like "lil pink bunnbbula bumbula ..... and Love ,
kept coming to mind. I screamed " It was a personal matter between that fat cow and Clinton and his fat cow wife!!!!!!!"
tired,wretched and filthy I found my home.
A hot shower and a long nap.
would I ever be the same..........?